My heart leapt when I read the theme for this edition of Worship Leader magazine. For one of my life’s greatest privileges has been serving as a worship pastor, and with this responsibility my eyes have been opened to so many different facets of what the job really requires, as opposed to what I imagined it required.
I believe in my heart of hearts that the worship pastor of a team does not have to be the most talented, the most eloquent, the most gifted writer—although to be skillful at your craft is a must. But this role is truly all about care.
The worship pastor must care that people have an understanding of why we worship and not just how we worship; the worship pastor must carry the heart of the church and its leadership tenderly with great respect and unyielding support. The worship pastor must love the team and their families more for who they are and their journey in Christ than for what they do for the church.
Yes, the worship pastor is shepherd first, musician second—a true worshiper, one who leads with skill, wisdom, and godly devotion.
I have written my Top Ten teaching thoughts for worship pastors to share with their teams—to give you some absolutes to pass on to those entrusted to your care.
1. The Worship of God Is Holy
God is not common; hence worship is not a gig, not a right to prove our abilities, not an opportunity to sing our favorite songs. We worship because he is a holy God, and we the created—made for his pleasure—worship and serve the Creator because he alone is worthy.
2. Regarding Excellence
We bring our finest, because we care that our sacrifice is truthful and brought with integrity of heart. The first fight in the Bible was about a worship offering (Gen 4), and to this day, people bicker and disagree about what is genuine worship. No matter how we present our worship, only God knows the true intent of our pursuit of him. And it is in the authentic pursuit of him that we find excellence in worship.
3. Authentic Lives of Worship
We train in so many things consistently, but nothing can replace each individual’s commitment to an authentic life as a worshiper. So that when your inner life is revealed, what is seen and what is unseen by humans is one and the same.
Bill Hybels wrote a great book called Who You Are When No One’s looking. Work at making sure that you are one person: the person we publicly know, and the person God privately knows.
Gladness is not just an emotion; gladness is a byproduct of joy, which is substance, a fruit of the spirit. You can literally live on it. Joy puts others at rest.
“He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart” (Eccl 5:20).
5. Worship Is Not Just a Lifestyle.
Worship is our life’s response to the grandeur and magnificence of our God. Worship as a lifestyle sounds like we would treat the Cross of Christ casually. But our ability to enter his courts and live in his presence actually cost God his all—for us. Never treat his worship as a lifestyle option.
6. Build a Culture That Embraces the New
We see that the Levites were trained and skilled in making music before the Lord (1 Chr 25:7). Never compare or be skillful for the sake of it, yet always encourage people to be developing their gifts, to try new things, new ideas. Be vigilant to train and grow and strive for freshness in all that you have been given, for the glory of his name. As the Scripture says:
I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them (Ezek 11:19)
New songs, new day, new start, new hope, new mercy, new possibilities, new ideas, new ways, new people, God says “new heaven and a new earth,” “ new covenant,” “new self,” “new heart,” “new command,” “new creation”… new, new, new!
7. God’s Presence Is Great Power
Our role is to declare and announce that God is here. If we just play and lead to please the ears of man and satisfy our own desires to play/sing, and march into services without a holy awareness of his presence and magnificence then we rob people of their spiritual inheritance. Lead people to the courts of our God.
8. We enter “his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise” (Ps 100:4)
This sequence is God’s idea, not just the delight of all sanguines worldwide. Be confident to lead people in the high praise of our God. Announce that our God reigns.
9. Speak a Kingdom Culture
If your team knows how to play music but the culture is one of negativity, defeat, resistance, offence, pride, lack of self esteem, jealousy, even of unbelief, then your team will never grow together into a culture that is based on kingdom principles. Kingdom music is crafted in the heart of a human being who gets a glimpse—a taste —or hears the sound of the kingdom of God.
10. People of Prayer
It is a very presumptuous person who thinks you can live an effective Christian life without prayer. Prayer is our lifeline; prayer is our first language; prayer is our direct access. This is made clear in the Psalms—a magnificent book of prayers that teaches us so much about our language before our God. Enter with thanksgiving, bring him everything, love him, adore him, ask of him; this is the language of prayer. As you develop your life of prayer, you are developing your life of faith—and your life of worship.
OK lovely ones, I could pour out my heart on this topic for days, but that’s it for now. Never forget the honor it is to worship our King,
This is not the time for Christian timidity. This is not the time for Christian silence. This is not the time for Christian retreat. This is a time for Christian boldness. It is a time to speak.
Into a world that considers any exclusive truth claim to be the height of bigotry, we must lovingly speak that Jesus is “the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through [him]” (John 14:6).
Into a world that has rejected God’s objective meaning for marriage, opening the door to a wide range of perversities, we must lovingly speak that it was God who said, “a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5).
Into a world that has embraced the horrific lie that to kill a child is an act of compassion to his mother, we must lovingly speak that God alone has the right to give and take life and that we shall not murder (Job 1:21; Exodus 20:13).
Speak Sanity Into the Madman’s World
Into a world that has repressed the truth and asserted the glorious order and fine tuning of the universe, the biological richness of earth, and the rational mind of man to comprehend quasars and quarks are the products of eons of chaos, unintelligent macroevolution, and unimaginable odds, we must lovingly speak that “what can be known about God is plain to [us], because God has shown it to [us]. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So [we] are without excuse” (Romans 1:19–20).
A world that embraces the rejection of truth, the destruction of marriage, the extermination of the innocents, and the veneration of a mindless, value-less “creator” is the world of a madman. It is the devil’s playground (1 John 5:19). It is an insane nightmare.
But on “those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone” (Isaiah 9:2). The return to sanity, the end of the nightmare, is Jesus Christ, “the light of the world” (John 8:12).
And it is precisely when the dark descends that the light is most needed. We must shine the light.
Our Dishonor May Be God’s Answer to Our Prayers
We have prayed for Jesus to shine in this world. We have prayed for the completion of world evangelization. And now we in the West are seeing our societies grow increasingly hostile toward the gospel. Some of us are bewildered. Some are discouraged.
But we must bear in mind that God often answers our prayers in unexpected ways.
For what do we see in the New Testament? We see that human beings perceive the love of God in the gospel of Christ most clearly in this dark world, not through the prosperity of his servants, but through their suffering.
First, it was our Lord himself. The cross was the most evil and most righteous, most hateful and most loving, most profane and most holy event in all of human, indeed cosmic, history. Then the gospel began to spread to Samaria and all Judea and to other regions following the death of Stephen. Then the gospel spread through Asia Minor and into Europe through Paul and his band who suffered more than most of us can imagine (2 Corinthians 11:23–28).
Testifying and suffering — it is the motif of all of redemptive history. It is God’s chosen method to display his love and spread his gospel. The earliest Christians even rejoiced “that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name” (Acts 5:41).
That might seem strange to us Westerners. But that’s because we’re strange in redemptive history. Most of us have not had to endure dishonor for bearing the name Christian.
But we have prayed for the gospel to spread through our nations and the world. Looking at redemptive history, should we be surprised if God answers our prayers by counting us worthy to suffer dishonor for his name? What if the cross of our dishonor is a means to the salvation of millions?
Jesus did say, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). And he told us, “You will be hated by all nations for my name’s sake. . . . [A]nd because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold (Matthew 24:9, 12).
And Paul prepared us too: “Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived” (2 Timothy 3:12–13).
If It’s Costly to Speak, It Must Be Valuable
So what are we to do as increasing dishonor comes to us? We are to do just what the early disciples did: keep speaking. When the governing authorities charged them to stop preaching the gospel, the apostles replied, “Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge, for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard” (Acts 4:19–20).
It is precisely when it is personally costly to speak, and we still speak, that people listen to what we have to say. When it’s costly to deliver a message, the message must be costly. For people only pay dearly for what is valuable. Paying dearly glorifies the valuable thing. And no message is more valuable than the gospel of Jesus.
Keep Speaking!
So keep speaking. Relentlessly keep speaking. Relentlessly keep speaking, not to win a culture war, but to win souls. Relentlessly keep speaking to win souls because you love souls.
And as we keep speaking, we should not expect to measure our success by immediate circumstantial improvement. In our short-term context, the gospel may appear to lose ground and evil appear to have the momentum. That is often how circumstances appeared to saints throughout history. But in fact, the gospel has only ever continually spread through the world, despite the mad devil’s best attempts to stamp it out.
So keep speaking the gospel. It is going to win. Jesus promised it would: “The one who endures to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come” (Matthew 24:13–14).
Note this, we will have to endure. That means suffering and dishonor. But the gospel will be preached to the whole world.
God will answer our prayers, first by causing us to endure, and then bringing the end. Then Jesus will deliver the kingdom to the Father (1 Corinthians 15:24). And then, pleasures forevermore (Psalm 16:11).
Therefore it is of faith that it might be according to grace, so that the promise might be sure to all the seed, not only to those who are of the law, but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham, who is the father of us all…
God’s grace is His undeserved, unearned and unmerited favor. And because it is undeserved, unearned and unmerited, all of us qualify for it. But how do we walk in it?
Just as a password gives you access to a computer program, faith enables you to walk in God’s unmerited favor. Now, faith has nothing to do with what you do or what you can do. Faith is simply believing and declaring what God has done and is doing for you.
When you believe that the favor of God is on you because of Christ’s finished work, His promises of provision, healing and restoration become sure to you. They are not just sure to the Jews, but also to you and me because we are “of the faith of Abraham”.
Ruth was a Gentile widow who put her faith in God’s grace. She believed and declared that God’s favor would lead her to the right field in which to glean, where she would find favor in the owner’s sight. (Ruth 2:2) Because she depended on God’s unmerited favor, God not only placed her in wealthy Boaz’s field, but also in the genealogy of Jesus! (Matthew 1:5)
Ruth’s faith in God’s favor opened up a whole new world for her. She went from poverty to supply, widowhood to marriage, and from being childless to having a complete family. She also became a respected member of the community. (Ruth 4:13–15)
If Ruth, a Gentile who was under the old covenant, enjoyed God’s favor, how much more will we who are under the new covenant of grace enjoy the blessings that the unmerited favor of God brings! In fact, because God sees us in the Beloved today, we enjoy the same favor that Jesus has! (Ephesians 1:3–6)
My friend, when you believe that you have the same favor that Jesus has, a whole new world will open up to you—a world where all of God’s promises are “Yes” and “Amen” in Christ! (2 Corinthians 1:20)
Thought For The Day
When you believe that the favor of God is on you because of Christ’s finished work, His promises of provision, healing and restoration become sure to you.
Memorise: Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary: 1st Corinthians 12:22
Read: Luke 5:1-11, Luke 5:1 And it came to pass, that, as the people pressed upon him to hear the word of God, he stood by the lake of Gennesaret, Luke 5:2 And saw two ships standing by the lake: but the fishermen were gone out of them, and were washing their nets.
Luke 5:3 And he entered into one of the ships, which was Simon’s, and prayed him that he would thrust out a little from the land. And he sat down, and taught the people out of the ship.
Luke 5:4 Now when he had left speaking, he said unto Simon, Launch out into the deep, and let down your nets for a draught.
Luke 5:5 And Simon answering said unto him, Master, we have toiled all the night, and have taken nothing: nevertheless at thy word I will let down the net.
Luke 5:6 And when they had this done, they inclosed a great multitude of fishes: and their net brake.
Luke 5:7 And they beckoned unto their partners, which were in the other ship, that they should come and help them. And they came, and filled both the ships, so that they began to sink.
Luke 5:8 When Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, Depart from me; for I am a sinful man, O Lord.
Luke 5:9 For he was astonished, and all that were with him, at the draught of the fishes which they had taken:
Luke 5:10 And so was also James, and John, the sons of Zebedee, which were partners with Simon. And Jesus said unto Simon, Fear not; from henceforth thou shalt catch men. Luke 5:11 And when they had brought their ships to land, they forsook all, and followed him. Bible in one year: Genesis 17-18,And Abraham said unto God, O that Ishmael might live before thee! John 13:1-30
When the time comes for God to fulfil a plan He has predestined to happen, He looks out for those He can use for this purpose. God does not discriminate in His choice of persons to use to accomplish His mission. He can use the great or the small. When the time came for Him to choose those who would serve and learn under His Son, He chose some raw fishermen. Our God is awesome, and His ways are past finding out! In today’s Bible reading, when Jesus found Peter, He told him that from that day, he would no longer catch fishes from the sea, but human souls from the world. If God can use a raw uneducated fisherman like Peter, He can use you more. You are very useful to God. However, do you make yourself available for His use? Ironically, as the number of ministers is increasing, the number of those who are available for God’s use is decreasing. As a result of this, many people bear the title of minister, but they are not available to perform their assignments. Have we forgotten the acronym F.A.T., which stands for Faithfulness, Availability and Teach-ability? If God will use you, these three must be the code you live by. Today, because the people we consider more suitable for kingdom assignments are either too busy or giving too much excuses, God is moving to those who have made themselves available to do His work, even when those people appear less suitable for the work. Are you available to serve God? If you can create time to do your secular work that you will have to leave someday, why can’t you create time to serve your Maker who can reward you for your service in eternity?
There are some people who feel God cannot use them, because they have not yet bagged a degree, amassed some wealth or become famous. Oh, how mistaken they are! Do you know that God can use you just as you are? He can use you even in your limited state, if you will only turn your life over to Jesus. Do not wait to get your miracle first before telling others about the love of God. In any way you can share the gospel with the unsaved, go on and do so. Lead others to Christ. Use your influence to motivate people to do the right thing. Be a positive, holy influence on your peers. Remember, if you bear fruit for God’s kingdom, it will be His responsibility to do what He can to make you more fruitful.
Action Point
You are very important to God. If you fail to play your role in the Body of Christ, it could bring losses to God’s kingdom. Determine to play your role today.
Those are the words every expectant couple wants to hear. But what happens when a couple gets the most stomach-churning news imaginable — news that there’s a medical issue with the tiny little baby growing in his mother’s womb? Parents start to ask questions. Will my baby be okay? What will our little boy’s life be like? How will this boy’s health affect our lives? Will it all be worth the struggle?
A set of parents I know had the same questions race through their minds. They brought a tiny little boy into the world — born without arms. In the face of all those fears, these parents were told the little boy would be helpless and entirely dependent on their care for the duration of his life. The news was grim as doctors painted a picture of toil and frustration in the life of this boy.
Fear and worry flooded their hearts, but for all the bad news, these parents were resting on good news. God loved this little boy. God fearfully and wonderfully made this little boy. God had a plan for this little boy. They shoved fear and doubt to the side and embraced the little boy God had given them.
Parenthood as the Gospel
The realities of the gospel are intoxicating in the book of Romans. InRomans 5:6, Paul writes, “While we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.” Christ died for us when we were spiritually helpless. He takes those who are helpless and broken and redeems us. And not only does he rescue the spiritually helpless, but the physically helpless as well.
While the gospel reveals a Savior who lays down his life for those who ran from him, abortion reveals humans extinguishing a life we were meant to love and protect. As you scan the pages of Scripture, it is clear that abortion is the anti-gospel.
Abortion says,
Unborn babies have value only as expendable commodities.
Each baby is only a clump of tissue, devoid of any purpose or life.
There’s not a place for you in my plan right now.
Disability limits a chance at any manner of a quality of life.
But the gospel says,
We have tremendous value as God’s image-bearers (Genesis 1:27).
Each one of us is “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).
We have lovingly “received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’” (Romans 8:15).
God’s glory and grace shine even, and especially, in those with physical limitations or weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Abortion is an assault on the image, character, grace, gospel, and glory of God. For the Christian to see it as anything less than that is to reject a biblical view of God’s gospel and God’s glory. John 9:1–3 shows us how God himself, in the person of Christ, viewed human life as he walked among us, as one of us.
As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”
While the disciples saw the man’s blindness as a direct result of sin, Jesus saw him as a vessel of God’s grace and glory. Every life is uniquely formed by God to be powerfully rescued and redeemed in Christ for the glory of the Father. Every child in the womb is a masterpiece shaped by the master craftsman.
All Human Life with a Gospel Lens
That baby boy born with no arms is me. Thirty-one years later, God has crushed the professional opinions of skeptical doctors. I’ve been in student ministry for nearly a decade, I have a remarkable wife of nine years, and we have a beautiful three-year-old boy, with a little girl on the way.
I thank God I had parents who willingly and joyfully embraced me with all the challenges that came with having a baby with a disability. They could have chosen to give me up for adoption, or put me in state care, or they could have chosen to abort me. For my parents, abortion would have never been an option. The realities of me being made in the image of God and being wonderfully made in the womb by the Father were forefront in their minds.
Human life is the physical handiwork of God — created in God’s image for God’s glory. Every man or woman that is formed in the hands of the faithful Father has value, purpose, and grace. Never determine the value, quality, or sanctity of a life on the basis of socio-economic background, family structure, ethnicity, or any sort of disability. View human life through the lens of the gospel — that the work of God might be displayed in every single lives
The DMU troupe are one of just six gospel choirs taking part in the showpiece event, with the filming for the final competition taking place at London’s Hackney Empire theatre.
Sister Ellah Kandi, part of the 34-strong choir that went to London for the pre-recorded finals, said: “A few months ago we entered the competition and we had to send two recordings of ourselves singing.
“Many, many choirs entered, but they only chose six for the finals.
“Then they came to our rehearsals at DMU and requested we sing the songs we’d sent. Then they gave us tips on how we could develop our choir. They were impressed with what they saw.”
Ellah sees this as a remarkable accolade for the DMU Gospel Choir.
“It’s definitely an achievement,” Ellah said.
“The amount of choirs that go through the first stage, it’s just unbelievable.
“We were absolutely blown away; to know we’re in the top six choirs in the country, that is awesome.”
The good news of making it to the Songs of Praise finals follows hot on the heels of DMU’s graduation week, during which the DMU Gospel Choir produced breath-taking performances throughout the week.
Ellah added: “This year the graduations were extra special. I personally really enjoyed them, we all enjoyed every minute.
“We had students and parents thanking us for making it so special for them, and that just made us want to do it better and better each time. It was definitely a hallelujah moment.”
You can see how the DMU Gospel Choir got on in the Songs of Praise finals on BBC next month. The competition will be televised in two parts on Sunday 23 and Sunday 30 August.
In a Post via the Social Media on Instagram Chris Brown the award-winning singer blamed the devil for trying to ruin his life and also claims he’s heard God speak to him for the very first time.
Here is the Message By CHRIS
“When u tired of the fucking devil ruining your life and u hear God speak for the first time.
No one knows what I deal with on a day to day. The average man wouldn’t hesitate to blow his fucking brains out but that’s the cowards way out… Most won’t understand the genius and beauty in change and learning and the people who have devilish intentions will win in the short term. My soul will always be pure of heart.
What’s on the surface always looks like one big party but inside there is a little boy looking for help and guidance. People say “be a man”. Yeah, that’s right but it doesn’t take away any pain you really go through. I just wanna stay out the way and do music. Most importantly and great father.
Here @Triumphant we say to Chris …Serving God Pays and we Believe that seeking God first should be the ultimate goal of any living individual on Earth..
R&B singer Chris Brown, left, appears in Los Angeles Superior Court with his attorney Mark Geragos, on Monday, March 17, 2014. Brown will spend another month in jail after a judge said Monday he was told the singer made troubling comments in rehab about being good at using guns and knives. The singer was arrested on Friday, March 14, 2014, after he was dismissed from a Malibu facility where he was receiving treatment for anger management, substance abuse and issues related to bipolar disorder. (AP Photo/Lucy Nicholson, Pool)
The Ministry of Music is one of the most vital ministries in the local church and should be viewed as a sacred office. Discovering your call begins with a DESIRE to be used by God to impact the local church and the world around you.
There are two words that will help you understand the call and vision God has for your music ministry.
Call: A divine appointment to ministry or service.
Vision: A supernatural revelation that conveys the plan and purpose of God.
Webster’s New World Dictionary defines “vision” as “a mental image, the ability to perceive something not actually visible, as through mental acuteness or keen foresight.”
The following outline is designed to help you discern where you are and to navigate where you need to be.
Prerequisites:
1. You must belong to a local church (Heb. 10:25). No church, no ministry!
2. You must be in good-standing with your church (Mat. 18:15-17).
Twelve Steps To Discovering Your Call:
1. Know that you’re a vital part of the body of Christ. No one else can do what YOU do, you are unique and an essential part of the body of Christ (Rom. 12:4,5; 1 Cor. 12:12-21).
2. Seek the Lord for a vision (Prov. 3:6). Know the nature of music ministry the Lord has called you to (church choir, worship-team, prison, studio, etc.).
3. Entrust your vision to God (Prov. 16:3). The Amplified Bible states, “He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to his will.”
4. Share your vision with people you can trust (Prov. 11:14; 12:15; 15:22). Wise counsel provides safeguards in your life.
A. Pastor
B. Minister Of Music
C. Friend
5. Surround yourself with people that share your vision (I Cor 3:9). You should not be working for God ALONE, find someone to help you launch and develop your ministry.
6. Stay in an atmosphere of teaching and training (Eph. 4:11,12). Keep yourself exposed to sound biblical teaching. Sound: that which is suitable for practical Christian living.
7. Seek to glorify God (Col. 3:17). This is an ATTITUDE. Your motive must be pure. The phrase “in the name of” means, to express the thoughts, or
speak with the authority of the named individual. To glorify God literally means to DEMONSTRATE HIS ATTRIBUTES.
8. Be ministry minded (Mat. 20:28). Be sensitive to the NEEDS of the people. Your sensitivity to people is solely based on your sensitivity to God.
9. Depend on the Spirit of God to empower you (1 Sam. 16:11-23). The anointing of God is essential to you functioning in the Ministry of Music. When you’re anointed by God, other people can VERIFY it (vs. 18). You will be identified as one whom God is with (vs. 18).
10. Maintain a life of purity (2 Tim. 2:19-21; 2 Corinthians 7:1). Right-living insures your usefulness to God.
11. Don’t neglect your gift (1 Tim. 4:14). The gift that God has given you is to be GIVEN AWAY! The body of Christ is depending on your contribution to the kingdom of God.
12. Keep your family BEFORE your ministry. Maintain balance between family and ministry. Be careful not to do ministry at the expense of your family. There’s a difference between serving God and serving God so much that you are neglecting your family. The Lord never intended for us to serve Him and let our families suffer in the process. You will know when your priorities are out of order when your wife and children begin to complain about your excessive absence. Your family is your FIRST ministry!
The Four Voices:
As you begin to sense the direction you should be going in, understanding the Four Voices will help provide a level of guidance.
1) The Voice of the Spirit (inward impression)
You always know when God is speaking to you because His prompting will burn within you.
2) The Voice of Reason (common sense)
Often times we don’t use common sense when making decisions. For example, common sense would involve looking at your skills relative to the area of ministry you’re interested in.
3) The Voice of Friends (trusted friends)
If you surround yourself with people that have your best interests at heart, they will provide the necessary guidance you need (Prov. 11:14; 12:15; 15:22).
4) The Voice of Opportunity (circumstances)
Be aware of the doors the Lord will open for you. He specializes in orchestrating circumstances around you so that you can see His provision (1 Cor.16:9; Col. 4:3). The word “doors” in scripture are symbolic of opportunities. Remember, vision precedes provision!
A recent wave of research shows that children who eat dinner with their families are less likely to drink, smoke, do drugs, get pregnant, commit suicide, and develop eating disorders. Additional research found that children who enjoy family meals have larger vocabularies, better manners, healthier diets, and higher self-esteem. The most comprehensive survey done on this topic, a University of Michigan report that examined how American children spent their time between 1981 and 1997, discovered that the amount of time children spent eating meals at home was the single biggest predictor of better academic achievement and fewer behavioral problems.Mealtime was more influential than time spent in school, studying, attending religious services, or playing sports.
Doesn’t work for your family’s schedule? It doesn’t have to be dinner. And it doesn’t have to be every night.
Many of the benefits of family mealtime can be enjoyed without sitting down together every night. Even the folks at Columbia University’s center on addiction, the ones responsible for a lot of the research on family dinner, say having joint meals as infrequently as once a week makes a difference.
2) Share The Family History
Children who know the stories of those who came before them have higher self-esteem and a sense of control over their lives.
Marshall and Robyn asked those questions of four dozen families in the summer of 2001, and also taped several of their dinner table conversations. They then compared the children’s results to a battery of psychological tests and reached some overwhelming conclusions.The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem, and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.
I’ve posted many times about the power of story. Having a family narrative is great for children.
“The most healthful narrative,” Marshall continued, “…It’s called the oscillating family narrative. ‘Dear, let me tell you, we’ve had ups and downs in our family. We built a family business. Your grandfather was a pillar of the community. Your mother was on the board of the hospital. But we also had setbacks. You had an uncle who was once arrested. We had a house burn down. Your father lost a job. But no matter what happened, we always stuck together as a family.’ ”
Marshall says that children who have the most balance and self-confidence in their lives do so because of what he and Robyn call a strong “intergenerational self.” They know they belong to something bigger than themselves.
3) Reduce Stress
Not easy, I know, but it’s what kids want from their parents more than anything else.
In a survey of a thousand families, Ellen Galinsky, the head of the Families and Work Institute and the author of Mind in the Making,asked children, “If you were granted one wish about your parents, what would it be?”Most parents predicted their kids would say spending more time with them. They were wrong. The kids’ number one wish was that their parents were less tired and less stressed.
…Studies have shown that parental stress weakens children’s brains, depletes their immune systems, and increases their risk of obesity, mental illness, diabetes, allergies, even tooth decay.
The most comprehensive study ever done on this topic, in 2010, gives some clues about why this might be. After examining studies of more than three thousand adults, Chaeyoon Lin and Robert Putnam found that what religion you practice or however close you feel to God makes no difference in your overall life satisfaction. What matters is the number of friends you have in your religious community. Ten is the magic number; if you have that many, you’ll be happier. Religious people, in other words, are happier because they feel connected to a community of like-minded people.
A recent wave of research shows that children who eat dinner with their families are less likely to drink, smoke, do drugs, get pregnant, commit suicide, and develop eating disorders. Additional research found that children who enjoy family meals have larger vocabularies, better manners, healthier diets, and higher self-esteem. The most comprehensive survey done on this topic, a University of Michigan report that examined how American children spent their time between 1981 and 1997, discovered that the amount of time children spent eating meals at home was the single biggest predictor of better academic achievement and fewer behavioral problems.Mealtime was more influential than time spent in school, studying, attending religious services, or playing sports.
Doesn’t work for your family’s schedule? It doesn’t have to be dinner. And it doesn’t have to be every night.
Many of the benefits of family mealtime can be enjoyed without sitting down together every night. Even the folks at Columbia University’s center on addiction, the ones responsible for a lot of the research on family dinner, say having joint meals as infrequently as once a week makes a difference.
2) Share The Family History
Children who know the stories of those who came before them have higher self-esteem and a sense of control over their lives.
Marshall and Robyn asked those questions of four dozen families in the summer of 2001, and also taped several of their dinner table conversations. They then compared the children’s results to a battery of psychological tests and reached some overwhelming conclusions.The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem, and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.
I’ve posted many times about the power of story. Having a family narrative is great for children.
“The most healthful narrative,” Marshall continued, “…It’s called the oscillating family narrative. ‘Dear, let me tell you, we’ve had ups and downs in our family. We built a family business. Your grandfather was a pillar of the community. Your mother was on the board of the hospital. But we also had setbacks. You had an uncle who was once arrested. We had a house burn down. Your father lost a job. But no matter what happened, we always stuck together as a family.’ ”
Marshall says that children who have the most balance and self-confidence in their lives do so because of what he and Robyn call a strong “intergenerational self.” They know they belong to something bigger than themselves.
3) Reduce Stress
Not easy, I know, but it’s what kids want from their parents more than anything else.
In a survey of a thousand families, Ellen Galinsky, the head of the Families and Work Institute and the author of Mind in the Making,asked children, “If you were granted one wish about your parents, what would it be?”Most parents predicted their kids would say spending more time with them. They were wrong. The kids’ number one wish was that their parents were less tired and less stressed.
…Studies have shown that parental stress weakens children’s brains, depletes their immune systems, and increases their risk of obesity, mental illness, diabetes, allergies, even tooth decay.
The most comprehensive study ever done on this topic, in 2010, gives some clues about why this might be. After examining studies of more than three thousand adults, Chaeyoon Lin and Robert Putnam found that what religion you practice or however close you feel to God makes no difference in your overall life satisfaction. What matters is the number of friends you have in your religious community. Ten is the magic number; if you have that many, you’ll be happier. Religious people, in other words, are happier because they feel connected to a community of like-minded people.
I was interested in applying his technique to the problems families face when leaving home for a trip. He gave me a number of recommendations.
1. Create different lists for different times in the process. “Checklists have to be linked in time and space,” Pronovost said. “So I have a checklist for ICU admissions, and another for blood transfusions. You should have a checklist for one week before the trip. Then two days before you’ll likely need another. Then one more for when you’re walking out the door. But you always need time to recover, so if you have one for when you’re at the airport, it’s too late.”
2. Make it specific. “A checklist should take less than a minute to complete,” he said. “Each item should be a very specific behavior. Avoid vague language.”
3. Killer items only. “Target your checklist on things that commonly go wrong,” he told me. “If you put down things you don’t fail at, you’ll drive people crazy. This has been borne out in aviation, where accidents have been caused by checklist fatigue.”
4. The rule of seven. “I have a rule that checklists can be only seven items,” Pronovost said. “It’s the same reason our telephone numbers are seven digits. Otherwise, people will take shortcuts and items will get missed.”
5. Include the kids. “I would sit down with them and say, ‘Hey, girls, I’m trying to improve how we travel, so I made a checklist. Does this make sense to you? What else can you add?’ ”
6) Empower The Children!
Down with parental dictatorship!Kids do better when they make plans themselves or at least have a say.
You should even allow them to pick their own punishments. It creates greater motivation to obey the rules.
Scientists at the University of California and elsewhere found that kids who plan their own time, set weekly goals, and evaluate their own work build up their prefrontal cortex and other parts of the brain that help them exert greater cognitive control over their lives. These so-called executive skills aid children with self-discipline, avoiding distractions, and weighing the pros and cons of their choices.
By picking their own punishments, children become more internally driven to avoid them. By choosing their own rewards, children become more intrinsically motivated to achieve them. Let your kids take a greater role in raising themselves.
7) Grandmoms Have Superpowers
Scores of studies show the incredible benefits that grandmom brings, like teaching kids to cooperate and to be compassionate.
Children who spend time with their grandparents are more social, do better in school and show more concern for others.
Countless studies have shown the extraordinary benefits grandmothers have on contemporary families. A meta-analysis of sixty-six studies completed in 1992 found that mothers who have more support from grandmothers have less stress and more well-adjusted children…
So what are these grandmothers actually doing? They’re teaching children core social skills like how to cooperate, how to be compassionate, how to be considerate. Researchers at Brigham Young University in Utah interviewed 408 adolescents about their relationship with their grandparents. When grandparents are involved, the study found, the children are more social, more involved in school, and more likely to show concern for others.
Bernard Nathanson’s first involvement with abortion was as a medical student at McGill University in Montreal. In 1945, having gotten his girlfriend pregnant, he scheduled and financed her illegal abortion.
In the 1960s, Nathanson, by then a medical doctor practicing obstetrics and gynecology (OB/GYN), became a leader in the movement to overturn laws against abortion. He and Lawrence Lader, who once proclaimed, “Abortion is central to everything in life and how we want to live it,” co-founded the National Association for the Repeal of Abortion Laws (NARAL). Their goal was to make abortion both culturally and legally acceptable.
To achieve that goal, Nathanson would later admit, they “pursued dubious and in some cases straightforwardly dishonest strategies,”noted Robert George. They promoted the idea that abortion was about medicine, not morality; lied about the number of illegal abortions performed annually and about the number of women who died from them; suggested that opposing abortion was a “religious dogma” imposed by a Catholic hierarchy; and argued that abortion was an effective means to fight poverty.
The Pride of Expertise
In 1970, when New York legalized abortion, Nathanson became the director of the largest freestanding abortion clinic in the world where he oversaw more than 75,000 abortions and performed almost 5,000, including one on his own child. In hisautobiography, he confessed:
What is it like to terminate the life of your own child? . . . I have aborted the unborn children of my friends, my colleagues, my casual acquaintances, even my teachers. There was not a shred of self-doubt, never a wavering of the supreme self-confidence that I was doing a major service for those who sought me out. . . . I had no feelings aside from the sense of accomplishment, the pride of expertise.
By 1974, a year after Roe v. Wade, Nathanson began to question whether the fetus was just an “undifferentiated mass of cells” or a developing human being. He was becoming increasingly sure that an abortion was, in fact, a death, not merely a medical procedure. Yet he continued to perform them because he remained convinced that abortion was “a legitimate solution to a woman’s personal problem.”
The Humility of Truth
In the 1970s, however, a new technology was introduced in the United States that would change Nathanson forever—the ultrasound. For him the ultrasound made it impossible to deny that abortion was anything other than the deliberate killing of a human being. Using ultrasound technology, he would later produce a pro-life documentary, The Silent Scream, with film footage of an actual abortion. He explained:
These [ultrasound] technologies and apparatuses and machines, which we now use everyday, have convinced us that—beyond question—an unborn child is simply another human being, another member of the human community, indistinguishable in every way from any of us. Now, for the first time, we have the technology to see abortion from the victim’s vantage point. Ultrasound imaging has allowed us to see this.
That new technology revealed not only that the unborn child was alive biologically, but alive mentally, too. In 2002, when I heard Nathanson speak to a group of Capitol Hill staffers, he shared a story I won’t soon forget:
We shocked a pregnant woman’s abdomen and watched the sonogram. The fetus jumped. We shocked it again; the fetus jumped halfway. We shocked it a third time; the fetus didn’t jump at all. This is when we discovered that the fetus is a baby with the capacity to learn and adapt. (Paraphrased from memory.)
The Crusade of a New Affection
Nathanson spent the rest of his life fighting the pro-abortion laws he helped put in place. His reasoning, though, wasn’t based on faith. He was a secular Jewish atheist who was convinced by science and human rights, not religion, that abortion was murder.
Gradually, though, the witness of the pro-life believers around him drew Nathanson to faith in God. “Having become persuaded of the truth of the pro-life position,” recalled George, “he was drawn to Catholicism because of the church’s witness—in the face of prejudice Nathanson himself helped to whip up—to the inherent and equal value and dignity of human life in all stages and conditions.”
In 2011, when Nathanson died, George penned an obituary for his friend. Looking back over Nathanson’s life, George noted two lessons. First, truth will prevail and overcome darkness. Second:
We in the pro-life movement have no enemies to destroy. Our weapons are chaste weapons of the spirit: truth and love. Our task is less to defeat our opponents than to win them to the cause of life. To be sure, we must oppose the culture and politics of death resolutely and with a determination to win. But there is no one—no one—whose heart is so hard that he or she cannot be won over. Let us not lose faith in the power of our weapons to transform even the most resolute abortion advocates.
Wielding truth and love won’t win over everyone to the cause of life, but it will change those with eyes to see and ears to hear. As truth beckons, “Come and witness the culture of death that undergirds abortion,” minds will be persuaded. As love invites, “Taste and see the culture of life that is Christ crucified for you,” hearts will be softened.
For abortion says, “Your life for mine,” but Jesus says, “My life for yours—even if you’ve killed your own child.”
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